Oreo and Milk by LN

OREO: I don’t know why they call me “Milk's favorite cookie.” Honestly, I’m not even your 50th favorite cookie.
MILK: Well, you dip your chocolate crumbles into my perfect velvety milk, and ruin it! You make me dirty and gross!
OREO: You’re already dirty and gross…
MILK: What did you just say?!
OREO: Nothing. Just… Cannonball!
MILK: Ah! Ah! Oreo, you’ve done it again! You’ve ruined my beautiful pureness.
OREO: Aha! I know your secret! You’re not real milk!
MILK: Y-yes I am. W-whatever are you talking about?
OREO: You’re almond milk!
MILK: And you’re a double stuf oreo!
OREO: You’re a liar!
MILK: We’re both imposters! We have that in common!
OREO: Maybe I could be almond milk’s favorite cookie?
MILK: I’d like that.

THE END

Pet Parrot Kills Owner's Friend! by KLB

The Miami police department was in distress this morning when twelve year old Matt Johnson was rushed into the hospital alongside his best friend, Lisa Smith–Johnson and Smith were ice skating and Johnson slipped onto the ice, crashing into Smith. Jim, Smith’s pet parrot who had tagged along, was ready to kill, seeing that his owner was hurt– he grabbed a very heavy rock with his talons and dropped it on Johnson’s head!

Johnson passed in the hospital at 10:57 a.m. The Miami police department is still figuring out the consequences for Jim the parrot.

Equal Rights For Women by VRM

Have you ever tried to join a group or game but have been rejected because you are female? That’s happened to me. When I was younger I would try to join football games at recess, but the boys would say that I couldn’t join because I was a girl and I was weak. But if I’m being honest, I was probably stronger and faster than most of the boys there. In the fifth grade, I was put in a group with all boys for a project. The boys gave me the easiest part of the project and didn’t let me add anything or suggest things for the project. When I asked them why, they said it was because I was a girl.

What happened to me probably isn’t as bad in comparison to what has happened to other women. Take Shirley Chisholm. She tried to run for the democratic nomination to become president of the U.S. in 1972 but faced resistance because she was a woman, and she was African-American. When people try to publish pieces of writing, sometimes they get rejected because the material isn’t what the publishers want. That is perfectly normal. But sometimes people don’t get things published because they are female. And that is exactly what infuriates me. People don’t realize how difficult things can be for women and girls. People portray women as weak and that “They belong in the kitchen.”

Think about jobs too. If a man and a woman work the same job, sometimes the man will get paid more than the woman! And they work the exact same job! Sometimes it goes deeper than that, like if the man got a raise and the woman didn’t. But usually it’s not. Even in sports women still get paid less even if the female version of the sport is more popular than the male version. Take the WNBA for instance. According to the website Statista.com, the average WNBA salary was about $103,000 for this past season, but for the NBA, it was about $9.4 million. And the difference between the numbers only gets bigger when you look at top-tier players. Player Diana Taurasi makes about $235,000 a year compared to Stephen Curry who makes about $52 million this upcoming season.

Once when I was in 6th grade, I got dress coded just because the tiniest sliver of skin was showing from under my shirt. The teacher who dress coded me said that it was distracting for other students and told me I had to pull my shirt down further. I still cannot believe that that teacher would dress code me for something as stupid as that. The same thing happened to my friend that year, but her situation was much worse than mine had been. The teachers went as far as to send her home to change. At the elementary school I used to go to, tank tops and spaghetti straps were banned. I obviously understand that sometimes girls can go a little far with clothing, but tank tops should not be a stopping point. Girls should be able to wear the clothing that they want to wear, without having to worry about getting sent home to change or getting in trouble for what they are wearing. Boys on the other hand, never seem to worry about that kind of stuff. There was this one boy in my grade who had tucked the bottom of his shirt into the top of his shirt like a bikini, and he was just walking around the hallway! No teachers tried to stop him! So boys can get away with it, but girls can’t?

In conclusion, boys and girls, men and women, should all have the same rights and rules. Girls and boys should both get in trouble if they do the same thing wrong. They should all be paid the same money if they work the same jobs, because look, JK Rowling is a woman, and she is just rolling around in money. Francoise Meyers is also a writer, and she has an estimated net worth of US$94.9 billion. Women should not have to live a life where they are bossed around and depicted as a weakling and a maid. Because women are people too. And all people are equal.

The Maker of Things by KK

Hi said I, the Maker of Things.

I’ve made everything from shoes to strings!

Ask me what you want. I will make it for you.

But, you have to be good.

If not I can’t give you the thing you asked me for.

Was it a door?

Or another floor?

Or was it a pet boar that won’t bite anymore?

And think and think and think, because I only make one.

If I make and make and make, I will never ever be done.

Our Skit by VRM and LF

(Joe the thief steals pencil from Frank the police man)

Joe the thief: Ha ha ha! I stole the precious pencil!
Frank: Hey! Get back here you pencil thief! That’s MY pencil!
Joe: Catch me if you can! (Frank catches Joe by them arm) Darn!
Frank: You're going to jail.
(Frank throws Joe in jail which is behind the chair)
Frank: The only way you can get out of jail is by eating this poisonous cake.
(Frank grabs cake from Guy’s desk. Frank hands Joe the cake)
(Joe eats the cake)
Joe: Hey! That cake was really good! Do you have more of it?
Frank: Huh? That cake was poisonous! You're supposed to be dead!!!
Joe: All thieves build up an immunity to poison. Thanks for the cake!
(Joe walks out of prison)

THE END

Man dies to Brain-eating Alien After drinking Tap Water, Family sues for $100 million by SM

In a landmark case that has shocked the world, 51-year-old Sam Hall’s family sued the entire alien race for $100 million after Sam died in his home in Nebraska this last Sunday due to a rare species of brain-eating worm known as Satirius Mnemonia. Reportedly, his neighbors heard his screams and ran immediately into his home, and have chosen to not comment on his death.

Due to the overwhelming amount of pressure faced from people around the world, the Hall family decided to sue for damages, and the world is holding their breath to see how the aliens will respond to this. Their court appearance is scheduled on August 2, 2024, and Sam’s brother, Tom, shared more on why Sam was killed.

“There were rumors that Sam was somehow involved with the Illuminati, and the aliens sent us a message about it a couple weeks ago, threatening to kill him. We shrugged it off because that’s the kind of guy Sam is, y’know? He was always in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

When asked why they sued the entire alien race, he said, “The aliens can’t be trusted. Ever since they immigrated here in ‘87, they’ve been a nuisance. They always steal Little Johnny’s toys, and everyone’s had it with them!”
Tom’s wife, Becca, mysteriously disappeared after meeting an alien she was enamored with ten years ago, and Sam’s death marked the anniversary of when she left him.

“I think that the aliens are doing this on purpose. I mean, how many people have their wife of 20 years cheat on them with an alien guy?”

Suspicions have been arising worldwide about the possibility of many world leaders, especially the American president Kim Armarli, being part-alien ever since this case has gone off the rails. What will happen in trial remains to be seen, but one thing is for certain: the world’s perspective on aliens will undergo a great deal of change.

Pill Commercial by VRM and LF

V: Introducing our latest Infinite Cure Pill that cures everything!
N: If you have butt cramps, headaches, vomiting issues, or any other type of sickness or disease, it will be instantly cured the moment you put this pill in your mouth!
V: N here from Mars will now demonstrate how well the pill works because right now she has a headache.
(N eats pill)
N: Ah… I feel so much better.
V: We want to keep everyone safe, so here are some safety precautions. Do not take if you are pregnant, or if you have hearing issues.
N: Also, do not take if you live on the planet Earth, if you are blind, if you have toes, or if you have hair.
V: Ugh I have a butt cramp. I really need to take that pill.
(V grabs pill)
N: Don’t eat it!! You live on Earth!!!
(V eats pill anyway;  dies instantly and falls down)

END OF AD
(Bow to audience)