Announcer: Have you ever been bored out of your mind wanting something desperately to cure your boredom? Does it feel like every new product or gadget fades into obscurity? Well, say no more to boredom with the (Holds up object) MAGIC PENCIL 2000 XL ++! For only half of your family’s souls, you can buy this new piece of extraordinary technology! For the rest of your family’s souls, you can buy the XL ++ EXPANSION PACK! It ensures that what you create will last forever, with 100 rolls of Magic Paper and the Seal of Immortality, but immortality is NOT FOR YOU. (Announcer hands pencil to Random Guy.)
Random Guy (walks into the center): My wife left me three years ago, but with the MAGIC PENCIL 2000 XL ++, I drew myself a new wife. It may have cost my mother, my father, my grandma’s, and my sister’s souls, but at least I have a wife now! FIVE STARS!
(Random Guy hands pencil to Random Girl.)
Random Girl (draws with Magic Pencil on piece of Magic Paper and pulls out Jumping Frog): My mom didn’t let me get a pet when I was younger, and my father left me when I was five. I was able to sell my mother’s soul for this pencil, and I was able to sell my father’s for Magic Paper! Now, I can draw my own pets. (Holds of Jumping Frog to show the audience.) FIVE STARS!
Announcer: As you can see, this amazing product will bring you happiness and satisfaction for years to come.
Voice-over (said as quickly as possible): Side effects of using this product include rashes, nausea, hyperventilation, anxiety, depression, vomiting, pneumonia, heart disease, and getting on the FBI’s Top Ten Most Wanted List.
Everyone: Get the MAGIC PENCIL 2000 XL ++ today!
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